We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
