he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
