he puts the penis in happiness.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize