One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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