She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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