I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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