what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
