Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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