how can u be prego again
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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