i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
