I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
