the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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