I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize