The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
...so i touched it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
