Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
