is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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