He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize