allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
