So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
