remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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