i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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