Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
