Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
