So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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