There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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