so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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