I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
