I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize