when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
