I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
