i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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