Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We left the knife in your bed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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