I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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