No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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