Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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