hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
