I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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