Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
