Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
