I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
