I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
