I skipped work to stalk him.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
