My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
