I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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