One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
