Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
