Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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