Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
