I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
