The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
