So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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