I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
