so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
