id be glad to
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
