Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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