Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize