another moral hangover. fuck.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
