So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
