Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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