Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
