Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
