Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
