Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
