Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize