so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
