This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize