dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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