how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
