the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
