I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
