Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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