I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
