He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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