Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
wow bdsm is so cute
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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