I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
God, I missed his penis.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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