Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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