update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I would fuck him just for his dog
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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