I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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