I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
