Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize