just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
