My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
