Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
