i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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