i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
