Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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