I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
