i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
