I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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