Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
