I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
