Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
