so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
