she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
