i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize