i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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