no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
