I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize