She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
