Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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