Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
