I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
