We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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