Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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