I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
