May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
