And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
